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I FEAR:
[ ] the dark
[x] staying single
[ ] getting married
[x] being a parent
[x] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[x] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] cats
[ ] dogs
[x] birds
[x] spiders and/or other insects
[ ] driving or being in cars
[ ] flying
[ ] being put to sleep (anesthesia)
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] water
[ ] the ocean
[ ] pools
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] germs
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] mice/rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] cemeteries
[x] clowns
[x] large crowds
[ ] demons or evil
[ ] crossing bridges
[ ] death
[ ] Hell
[ ] Heaven
[x] being robbed
[x] being sexually assulted
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibility
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[x] tornadoes
[x] hurricanes
[ ] being punished
[x] diseases, including cancer and STD's
[ ] snakes
[x] sharks
[x] dinosaurs (or at least .. i would have been)
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] poverty
[ ] ghosts
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains or railroads
[ ] fear
[x] being alone
[x] losing my friends
[x] going blind
[x] going deaf
[x] growing up
[x] being murdered in my sleep
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Thursday, January 5th, 2006
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Hmmm livejournal.
I went to Chicago. Just so you know, I will be moving there at the earliest possibility.
I hate who I have become, and therefore I am not happy with anything in my life right now. So prepare for the depressing updates.
I've been very moody lately. Woe is me...
I have new addictions.
*Grey's Anatomy.
*Sims University.
*MySpace.
*Saul Williams.
*TV On The Radio.
*My digital camera.
*Chicago.
There are probably more.
I wish I had money, because for some reason, I think that will make everything OK. But it won't and I hate thinking it will...
I refuse to make resolutions. But there are some things I need to get to eventually...
So yeah, I didn't update for like a long time, here you go.
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Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
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So the campus rants shall begin.
1) I've got a new Carol. I don't know her name, but she sits, guess where!! Front and CENTER!!! It's my social psych class and she's just as quick to shout out her long winded and annoying answers as our old friend.
2) The continuing education, or "non-traditional" students in general are still annoying and still decide to wear fanny-packs and acid wash back packs.
3) Creepy people that work at the food places on campus are equally as strange at USI as UK. Lots of stares and unneeded hello's.
All in all though, USI isn't so bad. It's nice to walk around and see people you know. You can point out the obvious freshman and people who still believe they are in highschool by the miniskirts and heavily done makeup and hair. It makes me laugh. I wore gaucho pants and a tshirt to class today. I'm high fashion. What can I say?
So on the first day in my Spanish class, the lady decides to bust out NOTHING BUT SPANISH. I'm like WTF mate? So we learn how to say a few conversational things and then she splits us into pairs. Who do I get stuck with? The smelly black man who can barely speak English that is understandable. His name, as I heard, is Tee-o-tese. That's probably not right, but that's what I got. Points for Spanish.
Work is going ok. I made 125$ Saturday night, so that was good, but I made 7.50 on Sunday and 5.00 on Monday night, so that blows. I made 40 tonight but I had a table that stayed for two and a half hours after I was cut, which sucks balls because you can't leave until all of your tables are gone.
But that's all for now. I can't believe I found another Carol...Oi vey. It must be the psychology classes.
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Friday, August 12th, 2005
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hahaha The wonder that are internet people sites. You simply join to keep in touch with friends, pervs join and hunt you down. This is how it goes:
From: A
Subject: Evansville
Message: Evansville here, looking for a woman that loves being gone down on.
He's definatly 37. Score for me. I found what I've always wanted! An internet perv! Yessssssssss!
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Tuesday, August 9th, 2005
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| Time: | 7:59 pm. |
| Music: | Alkaline Trio - Emma. |
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For some reason, I feel the need to post this.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I
wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
Homophobia is gay. hahaha that was a pseudo-pun.
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So I'm employed. One step closer to becoming self sufficient. It's going to happen. Bet on it.
And I applied to school at the prestigious USI. I rock it.
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Ok so I do agree with some of these things, but easier said than done bitches.
1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.
2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.
3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.
4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.
5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.
6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.
7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.
8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.
8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.
9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...
10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.
11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..
11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!
12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.
13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.
14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.
15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.
17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.
20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.
21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.
22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.
23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.
24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.
27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.
28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice.
29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.
30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.
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Did tonight really just happen??? I hope it was all a bad dream....RECAP.
1. We arrive at the river front.
2. We spot an abandonded shopping cart.
3. We wheel said shopping cart to where we are for Beth to push in when she arrives.
4. Beth arrives.
5. Beth pushed said shopping cart into river.
6. Lots of laughing.
7. People ask us why we pushed said shopping cart into river.
8. We realize a dead fish has floated into the shopping cart that is lodged very near the bank.
9. Random boy #1 (known hereafter as 'Red Shirt') approaches.
10. Red shirt informs us that his friend, random boy #2 (hereafter known as 'Black Shirt') finds Catie attractive.
11. Red shirt asks if we will "slam"* one of his guy friends for the entertainment of some drunk river patron. *Slam meaning 'diss.'
12. I make an attempt to drive them away by saying they only way we would do it is if they retrieve said cart and said HUGE dead fish from the river.
13. Random boy #3 (hereafter known as 'Jersey' {for his shirt, not the state}) takes of his shirt, shoes, and socks and climbs into the shallow water.
14. Said cart is retrieved with fish inside.
15. Emily Belwood gags and nearly throws up from the smell.
16. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of laughter and confusion occurs.
17. Jersey picks up the fish and we all (Beth, Catie, Emily Kuhr, Emily Belwood, and myself) gather around him and Black Shirt takes a picture with Catie's camera.
18. We all run away because of the stench.
19. Mass amounts of hand sanitizer is used by all.
20. Red Shirt, Black Shirt, and Jersey all sit around us and talk.
A. Black shirt is rather interested in the different colleges we all attend. He wants to go to a school with "lots of parties." He is a year younger than we are and has his GED. We don't think he will actually ever make it in the doors of an acredited four year university.
B. Red Shirt tells us his stories of being a 'navy brat' and being in the military. He lived in Germany and speaks the language fluently. He bullshits about how his grandfather has a 17 million dollar will and an abundance of houses spread throughout the world. He also says that he is going to USC on a men's soccer scholorship. He is a 27 year old smoker. Highly doubtful. Red Shirt was in Iraq and was shot and discharged. Believable.
C. Jersey is rather preoccupied with finding marijuana (spelling?). Asks over and over if we have or can get some 'dozier.' I find this comical for I know someone named Adam Dozier.
21. We leave.
I forgot to put this in there, but between finding the shopping cart and Beth's arrival, random black man offers us a blunt and appears to start lighting one right next to us. Emily Belwood suggests moving said illegal activity to his car. He goes away. So technically that should be number 4...
I mean honestly??? How does this crap happen??? Welcome to the midwest.
I'm going to go curl up in bed with Chuck Palahniuk and finish Diary. Good book. Comment for fun.
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I haven't touched this thing in ages. Not too much to update though...
I am, as of today, officially no longer a student at the University of Kentucky. I dropped all of my classes today. Looooooooooook everyone! Look at the college drop out. Oh well. College is waaaay too expensive so I need to take some time off to work and be able to pay for it. Full time job, here I come. I'm about to get a big slice of the real world shoved down my throat. And believe me. I'm not at all hungry.
I went to visit Tyne and Aubrey up at Purdue this weekend. It was good fun. Me, Beth, Catie, and Emily K hopped in the minivan and made our way up there. It was fun times.
Hmmm...Sadly that's all I feel the need to update. Holler back.
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| Time: | 12:35 am. |
| Music: | Fallout Boy - Going Down Swinging. |
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Can we just recap the past few nights?
I've discovered that I am not a good swimmer. Like I swim fine, but at any competitive level or anything more than a leisure swim, I suck. I have like a smokers lung or something. It sucks. I've discovered this during the "Under water challenge" at Emily Belwood's house. She can definatly go two laps underwater without coming up. I have a hard time with a half lap. I can make it down once, she can go down and back twice. Go me for being out of shape.
So while we were enjoying night number 3 of the U.W.C last night, Beth, Catie, Emily Kuhr, and Emily Belwood all decided that they wanted to do a triathalon. This is of course at like 11:45 at night. So I just laughed out loud, changed, and left. Well, the triathalon is planned for four laps in the pool, running a mile to Catie's house, and then biking a mile back to Emily Bs. So, the recap goes something like this:
Beth finishes the swimming first. Instead of using the ladder like a normal person to get out of the pool, she does a James Bond-esque tuck and roll out of the pool onto the concrete. Left a nice little wound. Emily K is next out, followed by Belwood and Catie. So next is the running. Beth isn't a runner, so she is kind of jog-walking. Everyone passes her, with Catie in the lead because she runs like no other. Well as Beth is jog-walking a car drives by and says "Keep running, baby." as if to imply that she is out of shape or something to that nature (based upon the tone of voice). Well, Catie gets to her house first and takes off on bike. Emily B comes in second and Emily K third. So about 5 minutes goes by and Beth still hasn't shown up. So the other three are waiting outside of Emily Bs house for her. All of the sudden, Beth flies by on the bike. She missed Belwood's house completely. She also got lost hard core on the way back to Belwood's. So post triathalon they decide to take a nice cool down walk. So they're walking and all of the sudden a car drives by. They throw something out of the sunroof or window and a piece of it hits Emily B in the head and the rest lands on Beth's arm. Two seconds later, Beth is eating a fudge round. The car threw a fudge round at Beth. A FUDGE ROUND. So Beth, being the cool kid she is decided "Why waste a perfectly good fudge round?" and ATE IT. It was NOT wrapped up. Beth thinks it was the same car who said "yeah, keep running baby." First of all, why would you taunt someone who is running at night? Second of all, why would you throw a fudge round at a group of girls? Third, and most importantly, why do you randomly have a fudge round to throw? It was just a randomly good night.
Fourth of July was kind of awesome. Emily Bs dad is like secretary of the Pagoda Committe so he gets tickets to teh Pagoda Party for the fourth. Basically, we got free food and drinks and got to watch the fire works sans all the white trash. It was nice. We also discovered the awesome power that is the 3D-ish glasses provided for you at the fireworks. They make everything look like a kalidescope (merg...spelling?). It was awesome.
So that's pretty much all the interesting stuff that has been going on. We watched "That 70's House" the other night, which was strange. First of all, it's probably the dumbest idea for a reality show in the world. Second, Jami Stallings is on it? How random is that. Like we graduated with her, and now she's on MTV. WTF mate to the nth degree. You just watch those shows and think "Where do they find these people???" Oh I know the answer now...In Evansville, IN. Represent like a mo-fo.
I still have a vice for pseudo-punk emo music. Like Fallout Boy and My Chemical Romance and The Used. I just will never get enough of it...
I'm out. It's bed time. Word.
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Thursday, June 30th, 2005
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Ok, so Aaron introduced me to my new obsession tonight. Patrick Wolfe. I recommend it to anyone with ears. Oh. And he's adorable. I kill for a man in a sweater vest. I think I'm moving to Chicago about this time next year. I've always wanted to move to a big city. I'm uber excited. It gives me something to look forward to...
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I've pretty much become numb to emotion. Or if I do show emotion, it's me feeling like crying when I see a really sad commercial or something equally lame. Like I should be very very happy right now since Jeff and I are trying to work things out. but I'm not. I'm extrordinarily cynical about everything. Like I just feel like nothing good will happen. There's something wrong with me. But I'm not depressed or anything. I just take everything in stride and can't have faith in anything. Lifes simple pleasures hold no joy. And it sucks. And like I really want to go pick up a book and read (something I used to enjoy very very much) but I have no motivation to sit there and do it. Like I can't bring myself to concentrate and I just end up staring at the same sentence for like 15 minutes before I put the book down, sigh, and walk away. I get antsy when I try and sit in the same place for more than an hour. My friends and I used to be able to grab a table at IHOP and occupy it for like 3 hours, just talking about music and movies and politics and generally making fun of people. That's really one of the only things that brings me joy anymore. Freedom Festival time here in the ville. Such white trash. The only thing that I can remember making me really happy lately was making fun of all the trash at the Freedom Festival. How sad is that? I've been so drenched in cynicism that the only thing I find joy in is making fun of people. I'm a wretched person. Good thing there is no hell...Because if there were, I would have a front row seat on the express train. I have an eye infection or something so I have been forced to wear glasses for the past few days. I hate my glasses. They are plastic frames and I have pretty much the biggest head in the universe, so they like push into my temples and give me a wicked headache. Also, I'm like legally blind so my lenses are supposed to be super thick, but they did the thing where they can make them thinner. Well, doing so causes them to appear magnified which makes my eyes look abnormally small. I really feel like I have no control in my life. I need to move away to some place where I can start over. I need to be away from my parents because I feel like I have someone breathing down my neck about everthing. I need to go to a place where I can edit my life story. Take out all the bad shit and only talk about the good. I would really be happy if I saw like a mob hit and had to go into witness protection. I would get a new identity. But that would suck because I would tell everyone that I was in witness protection because that would be the coolest fucking story in the world. "Hey! Nice to meet you! Where are you from?" "Well I was living in Evansville, IN until I saw a mob hit. Now I'm in witness protection. Where are you from?" That would just be the ultimate conversation starter. I would not feel bad at all living a lie. Is that bad? Sometimes I just think that would be better than living in reality. Go back 6 months and ask me if my life would be like what it is now, and I would have been like "PSSHA! No way." I feel like there is nothing stable in my life for me to depend on. Maybe that's where the cynical side of me kicked in. everything I could depend on went to shit and now I don't want to get too comfortable because I don't want to lose it again. I don't know where I am going to school, what I want to do when I get there. I have no job, no money. It's just like when it rained on Kellie Meagher, it poured. I feel like I need to move away and become a stand up comic. I don't think I would be so good at that, though. Like I have a bunch of stuff that would be mildly amusing, but I'm more funny based on situations. I have good comedic timing, but I probably couldn't deliver a joke on command. I would be like Rocco in Boondock Saints when the boss makes him tell a joke. hahaha Ron Jeremy is in that movie...How is he a porn star? He's sooooo nasty. I need a sugar daddy. If you have lots of money and want to buy me many things, call me and we will set up an interview. Also, anyone who would like to make a one time donation to the Kellie Meagher College and Miscellaneous (spelling?) Expenses fund you can call me too. Or if you just want to buy me a car or a new pair of shoes I would accept that. I need new clothes. New clothes always make me feel good in a shamefull superficial way that I hate to admit. But they do. Escpecially new clothes that look good on me. Like if it's just a pair of jeans or a tshirt, that's ok too. But when you find I shirt that fits you in all the right places and hangs where it should, it's like finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I like buying stuff on clearance too. Even if it isn't that great, I love for someone to be like "Hey I like your shirt" and me being able to shoot back "IT WAS 2 DOLLARS AT WALMART MOTHERFUCKER!" I could never be a brand whore. I'm waaaaaaay too frugal. Like I loooove to fantasy shop at Urban Outfitters and dream of my 200 Irregular Choice London shoes, but in reality, if I pay more than 20 dollars for anything, a little piece of my heart dies. Like if I won the lottery, I would be the only person in the world that doesn't take the (now defunct) Concord to Paris and be a Louis Vuitton (SP?) whore for life. Like I would go to GAP and Old Navy and H&M. And I would probably buy a lot of shoes and a lot of purses....I would have a really really nice house with lots of awesome art and stuff, and look like trash all the time. And I would have a hot car. Like a testerosa or something. Those things are a fucking work of art. I need to go back to LexVegas and hit up Jonk again. That was the best damn store in the world. I need to finish my room. My dad needs to get off his ass and mud the walls so I can paint. Right now, my room consists of a bed, two storage bins of clothes, hardwood floors, and dry wall. Not to mention the washer and dryer that are still tucked away in my closet. Like seriously, if they could just get those bad boys moved out to the garage, my life would take a turn for the better. Oh yeah. Let's just clarify. The washer and dryer is in my closet. What NEEDS to happen is my sister needs to stop being a scum sucking road whore and realize that if she is never here, I should be able to have her room. She is home for like 10 minutes a day to grab stuff, and then she goes to Greg's house where she sleeps. SO come on. Why can't I just move her stuff into my unfinished bed/laundry room? There was an SVU marathon on today. I love that show. I would so do that. I want to be an actress. But nooooo. Apparantly there is no market for a short fat white girl with curly hair. I know I already said this, but I really need a sugar daddy. So I can do absolutely nothing and just travel around the world. So if you want to donate to my travel fund as well, I would love that. I need to get out of this town. It is slowly sucking the life out of me. Like I sleep ALL. THE. TIME. I could sleep for days. I'm pretty sure of it. It feels like every day is a carbon cut out of the day before...And living like this is going to drive me insane. It's analogy time. You know the Chinese water torture or whatever it is when they drop water on your head until you go insane (something like that...). Well, imagine that each day is a drop of water...As every day goes on, I go more and more insane. I think that pretty much explains it.
Well this shaped up to be a long post. I'm out like a fat kid in dodge ball.
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| Time: | 4:10 pm. |
| Mood: |  I like my hair!. | | Music: | Alkaline Trio - Death Bed. |
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Mother fucking fucking shit! I just typed out a really long entry and it got deleted. Now you get the ghetto short hand version.
Last night was Happy Hour night at Applebees. Me and Lindsey and John went. Bahama Mamma's rock.
Met up with Aaron Dicks and Stephanie Hollander on top of the Integra parking garage. Jammed to Spoon and M.I.A. Quote: "I want to pop and lock really bad right now..."
Went to IHOP. Drank too much coffee. Came home and talked to Steph while she made me a mix CD.
Use the term "snap dragons" in place of things like:
"Ooooo burrrrrn!"
"Ooo SNAP!"
"You got punked!"
"SCOOP!" HHS Alums only.
Steph has like 90billion Woody Allen films so Aaron, Steph and I are going to have a Woody Allen movie night. Annie Hall is kick ass.
I cut off a lot of my hair. I like it.
Alkaline Trio's new CD is really good. Recommended: the song "Burn"
Outie 9000 (Bringing it back bitches!)
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So I got bored and decided to put rediculously red highlights in my hair. I <3 them. Pictures.
This is me trying to take a picture of my highlights. Didn't really come out.
You can see it's kind of red. Holler!
I'm going to go and eat some of my yummy yummy pesto pasta salad. It's soooooo good. Werd.
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Thursday, June 16th, 2005
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The whole world is becoming Metrosexual. I saw a commercial for a men's face lotion. It was talking about wrinkle decrease and "fresh looking" skin. It's was like L'Oreal or something, and it's said, "Because you're worth it too!" I almost threw up. I enjoy how they try to make the commercials look as manly as possible. A big buff man is working out in the gym, when he spots a hot blonde piece of ass, but she's not interested, oh no! Because you look may or may not have a forehead wrinkle. Time to go to the locker room and freshen up with your wrinkle decrease manly face lotion. As he is dressed in his 400 dollar suit and power tie, strolling casually out of the locker room, who does he meet? Hot blonde piece of ass. And now, thanks to the smoothness of his brow and baby soft skin, she wants a piece of that kit kat bar. And by kit kat bar I mean penis. They try to make them seem as least gay as possible. And it makes me laugh. I enjoy the clean look. I would much rather have a pseudo-metrosexual man than someone who wears a lot of flannel and doesn't shave. But seriously. It's getting rediculous.
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Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
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So what if it's a little late and I'm not bitter anymore. Who doesn't like the reminisce with a nice mix of break up songs??? The list begins.
The Used - Greener With the Scenery
You took it back
You ripped my heart out of my then you put it back
I'm pulling my hair
I let you just a million times
I love you even though it isn't fair
Run we go around again in circles
Play this game over again
Run we go around again in circles
Trapt - Stories
I found a line and then it grew
I found myself still thinking of you
I felt so empty and now I'm fine
Too much of the same stories in our lives
I think it's time for change, don't you?
Too much of the same stories in our lives
(I think it's time for us to walk away from here)
Look at me still in your mind
Our memories so intertwined
Well you broke through and found your way
And so did I no need to stay
The same old picture, tried and true
Been through there, let's look for something new
Too much of the same stories in our lives
I think it's time for change, don't you?
Too much of the same stories in our lives
(I think it's time for us to walk away from here)
I remember,the way you made me feel when I was with you
I remember,the smile that always brought me back to you
That look in your eyes, I never thought that this could be untrue.
Ok so that's the beginnings of the break up mix. I kind of have an urge to add A Perfect Circle - Passive. It's pseudo break up music. Or just because I'm obsessed with it. I <3 APC. I need to dig to the depths of my emo collection and formulate the break up mix. I'm going to start a service. You call me, I break up with your other for you. With every break up, you can include a copy of the break up mix for only 2.99!!! Other fees may apply. Void where prohibited. Readily available in certain regions of Indiana and Kentucky. Will travel if compensated properly.
This summer is just shaping up to be bleh. Like it's just one big BLEH. I will have a job soon though. Which will be a major improvement.
I need to figure out what I want to do with school. If I had my way, I would go to culinary school. My dad doesn't want that though because let's say I go to culinary school, and then I don't want to be a chef. I'll have no degree or anything to fall back on. And I agree with that, as much as I don't want to...My second plan would be to go to USI for a year, raise the GPA and then go to Western. Or just go to Western. Hell, who am I kidding? If I REALLLLLLY got my way, I would win the lottery and dick around for a few years traveling. Or I could get a Sugar Daddy to pay for anything I want, go to school and move out. God I would love to have the money to travel for a year. Spending a year abroad would be fantastic. What I probably will end up doing is:
A) Take a semester off and then go to USI/WKU.
B) Go to USI/WKU in the fall.
I would go back to UK, but it's just so damn expensive. There is no point in me going there when I can get the same education much cheaper somewhere else.
I'm trying to cut all my self-destructive habits. I gave up cigs tonight. They're horrible for you. Next on the list is junk food, laziness, and my affinity for bad comedies.
Because of the song lyrics, this is probably the longest post in the history of the world.
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Saturday, June 11th, 2005
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I was sifting through articles on Yahoo news, and I came across something about the Christo Gates in NYC. So this prompted me to peruse the works of Christo. What a joke. He's a hack. He wraps stuff in fabric. Ooooooooo art...How about NO.
http://www.christojeanneclaude.net/wr.html
Just go there an look at that. He basically throws a big fucking tarp over something and is like "VOILA!! ZE MASTERPIECE IZ COMPLETE!" <-- Assuming he is an arrogant French bastard...Bull shit. Him and Twombly. Both crap eaters. Twombly art looks like something the people did in the "special" old folks home down the street from me...I remember there was a guy that used to sit on the front porch in his pajamas and yell at me when I walked to school in the morning....Anyway, those people and Twombly are on the same page. It's a joke. I don't even understand why that's considered genius. I'm going to draw on a tarp and put it over my house and call Newsweek and describe myself as "Christo meets Twombly." I could make eleventybillion dollars. And do NOTHING. God it just pisses me off. If you've never seen Twombly's stuff, just goodle his name. Cy Twombly - piece of shit hack. It's like performance art...and interpretive dance. I'm not saying performance art like dancing or acting, I'm saying shit like standing on a big pole in the middle of nowhere for 38 days. What's that guys name...the street magic guy...David Blaine. Yeah. Him. The magic tricks are fucking amazing, but sleeping in ice for 40 days? DUMB. What does he gain from that? Well, except for middle class whities writing about how STUPID it is on livejournal...Maybe its just the exposure. I don't know. I just know I don't like it. Oh well. I'm done ranting for now.
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| Time: | 1:24 am. |
| Music: | A Perfect Circle - Passive (new obsession..). |
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But anthropologists examining Smith's papers believe he may have misunderstood what happened. Straube said the tribe only meant to initiate Smith as family through a ritual in which the tribe leader's daughters welcomed him.
"The Indian way of killing people was not to lay them against a rock and bash out their brains," Straube said. "They would tie them to a tree and use shells and scrape their skin off and dig out their entrails."
hahahaa And which would you prefer? Personally, if they were using a rather large rock, I would take plan A.
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Man...Not having your computer on 24/7 cuts down on the updates...
Uhm...I got fired...and now I'm job hunting. So that's awesome. I got an application for Smokey Bones tonight. I just can't stay away from the BBQ now can I? I've also applied at almost every place in Evansville. Who wants to hire me?
I've decided that if I ever get down to a tiny size, I'm dying my hair blonde and becoming a stripper.
I had lunch with Jeff today. It went suprisingly well considering.
Uhmm...You would think that I would have much much more to update since it's been summer for awhile and I haven't touched this thing in ages...
I've seen sooo many random people in the past week...I ran into Justin Buckles not too long ago. I was meeting Erika and Zack so I could follow them to Misti's house for her house warming party thing and he was at the gas station. I used to hang out with that kid a lot. I've played on his rainbow play set many many a time. He lives less than a block away from me, yet I haven't talked to him in a good 2-3 years. I saw Lauren Tapp the other day at Putt Putt. I got the 4-11 on some people from high school. People being arrested and being crack addicts. So awesome. I <3 HHS. It produced sooo many unwed teen mothers and druggies. Our principle has a few DUIs under her belt, so it'll all be ok.
I went to a Mock Orange show the other night. I freaking love that band.
I've decided that hardcore kids scare me. With their leather and studs and bandaged knuckles. Slam dancing...So strange. The video for AFI's Leaving Song Part II has slam dancing in it. But they are all like spread out and it looks more like choreography than ass kicking. It's neat.
The Used has some of the ultimate break up songs. I really want to see them in concert. For some reason I've been listening to them a lot lately.
I need to make goals for summer. List time. Don't you love lists?
1) Find a job.
2) Lose eleventybillion pounds. Being fat is going to kill me. Literally.
3) See a good band.
4) Finish my room. I need to mud the walls and sand and paint and all of those good things.
5) Make some kind of handy-craft. I really want to decoupage something. I think my magnets came out fantastically well. I enjoy the Conan O'Brien with a moustache.
6) Make some new friends.
7) Find a cuddle buddy. I'm all lonely :(
Ah well small list for now. More will probably follow. I'm going to go hang out with Jacob Gay. I love that kid. He's soooo funny. Holler.
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juejuethesloth's journal
tragic.
bleh.